My Past

Let's start from the beginning, I grew up on the South Side of Chicago, not exactly the ideal place for a child but I made due with what I had, My older brother and I were raised by our mom. Yes my dad was there but really he was never there, He was either working or just out of the house doing whatever he wanted. He didn't raise us but claimed he did. He was there when we accomplished something such as awards or big sports games but when it came to the small stuff like helping us with homework or bringing us to appointments he wasn't there unless it benefited him in a way. It was like that Until I turned 16 or so. After my parents messy divorce in 2014 I moved out to Schererville Indiana with my mother, I moved out there for a fresh start, to clear my name and the trauma behind my name. I thought it would all be better and our lives could finally be happy but my mother found a boyfriend and she stopped being a mother to us unless she really had to. Her boyfriend was awful to my brother and I. All my mother really cared about was him and pleasing him, making sure all of her spare cash went to gifts for him. Eventually I had to come to the fact that It was really only my brother and myself, we were in it together. I would come home from school and Make dinner for my brother and I if he was at football. When I turned 15 my brother and I went looking for jobs near the house, we both go a job at the same place. It worked for a few years and then my brother left for the Navy. I cried every night, praying and hoping he would come home safe. My prayers were answered when he came home randomly one day, looking as if something was wrong. Nothing was terribly wrong he just didn't pass the test at the end of boot camp so they sent him home. He was heartbroken, felt like a failure and one night got into a fight with my mother and she actually called him a failure along with other words. My brother hasn't talked to my mother since then. Its been a few years. In a nutshell basically since then I've been reaping the consequences of my trauma, Depression and Anxiety coming along with it, trying to end my life in 2018, weeks in the psych ward, years of therapy, medications. Self medicating with laughter and friends. In my life its one thing after another, I really cant catch a break, but I'm content with my life, there are people out there that have it much worse than me, some don't have any family at all. 

Now fast forwards past my younger years and high school. I have friends that I can turn to, a job that I love and a future that I'm really excited to start, I even have a vision of what I want for myself and my family, I was 3 kids, 2 of my own and 1 Adopted. I want to be a Neonatal Nurse, work in the NICU. I'm proud of myself, for all the crap I've been through I think I did a great job taking care of myself since then. 

    I know that was super long and dark, sorry, but I think its crucial to know about me once you meet me, I am FOR SURE not one to open up but its nice to talk about once and a while.